Nothing will ever be the same again
by MissHSM
Summary: So what happens when you're shot, gets arrested, break free and then knock on the doors of NCIS? This all happens to D (Darice) Callen. Is this the end of her life? Or will it just begin? * I don't own anything. All right are reserved to the writers of the series. Except for my OFC character. She belongs to me bacause I created her. I hope you all will enjoy the story.*
1. Chapter 1

D Callen.

I have to keep moving. Otherwise they'll get to me. Come on D! You can do it. Just keep it up a little longer. Only 10 meters and you'll be safe. "Let me in! Please don't lock it up yet. Let me in! Please!"

"What is it ma'am?"

"Please just let me in. They're after me."

"Alright then. Come on in." Bang! Bang! Bang! I instantly feel the pain. They shot me. My back hurts as hell. The last thing I see is a man with a phone with a lot of panic and another man who walks away calm and laughing. Then it's black.

Hospital Los Angeles. Present time.

Slowly I open my eyes but shut them almost immediately because of the bright light. For a moment I don't remember what happened, but then I get my memory back. I got shot in the back when I was almost safe.

"You're awake."

A little confused about when she entered and me not noticed she goes on.

"Sorry to disturb you. How are you feeling?"

"Sore. Headache and thirsty. But beside that I think I'm fine." I managed to say with a hoarse voice.

"So because of your shot wounds there is a LAPD detective waiting to talk to you. Is that going to be a problem or not?"

I think about my options. I know I have to talk to him eventually and that I will be most likely end up arrested. If I refuse I'll have more time to think of what I am going to say but on the other hand. They need to know the truth. It has become out of hand and they need all the information they can get. And for that matter I need to get to Him.

"Yeah, I suppose I am ready for him. Let him come in."

I manage to say without letting her know how terrified I am. A little while later she comes back in. This time with a man.

"Alright I'll leave you to it then. If you need anything you can push this button, Miss …"

"Callen. The name is Callen."

The shocked look on the Detectives face doesn't slip me but I choose to let it go. I am in no position to tell him anything. Reassured that everything will be alright she walks out of the room leaving me with my nerves for the Detective. Funny. When I have a gun pointed at someone and I am alone I am less terrified than I am now. Which terrifies me at the same time. Gosh, all this thinking gives me a headache.

"My name is Detective Marty Deeks. I'll have to ask you some questions about the shooting. You OK with that?"

"Y-yeah. Of course."

Slowly I try to sit up. With a lot of pain I manage.

"So Miss Callen. Do you have a First name?"

"D, Sir." He looks at me with surprise written on his face.

"Really. Are you messing with me or.."

"I assure you Detective. I am not messing with you. I don't know my name. No-one ever told me."

"OK. Let's go back to business. Why were they chasing you and why'd they shot you?"

Weighing my options once last time. Deciding it's best to just tell him the truth. With a bit of hesitation I start my story.

"I used to belong in that group. Never really belonged there but that isn't the point. At First I didn't know what they were doing, but after I joined in I figured it out quiet soon. But when you're in a gang.."

"You'll most of the time never get out. I know the drill." A short silence. "So you ran away."

I wasn't a question it was a statement.

"I did."

"So what did they do. 'Cause I get the feeling that for some reason it wasn't a normal gang. Was it?"

"No, Sir. It wasn't."

"So what did they do. Why did you ran away from it? Did they shoot you to bes hut up?"

"I ran away because it's terrible what they do. I didn't want it but had no choice. And yes, they shot me to shut me up."

I answered carefully avoiding the first question. Unfortunately he heard it.

"Why aren't you telling me everything? What are you hiding?"

A deep sigh came out of my mouth.

"You know, you better tell me. You're already going to be arrested because you joint a gang and worked with them. It's not like it can get any worse."

"It can always get worse Detective. And I'm sorry, but I simply can't tell you it."

"If you want a lawyer fine. But it's just going to make it all worse."

"Alright. But I want protection. I need protection."

He nodded slowly.

"So I met this group and I didn't know what they were doing. They asked me to join them. They said they helped them catching the bad guys. I was pretty young and so also naïve. They trained me to a killing machine. When I found out what they did I wanted to back out. But they wouldn't let me."

I swallowed.

"So what exactly are they doing? What are they called?"

"The Black Eagels."

He gasps.

"I assume you know the name giving your reaction."

"Yeah. I know them. You are definitely arrested. And I'm going to make some phone calls."

He cuffs me to my hospital bed and walks out of the room.

A little while later he walks back.

"Alright, so you're arrested so that means the cuffs stay on and when you get better and can get out of here I'll come and get you for your trail and to bring you to prison."

I nod in understanding.

"Of course Detective. If you'll excuse me I would like to get some sleep now."

I yawn fake but he seems to believe it.

"Sure. I'll see you soon."

And with that he walks out of the room. Now that I have space to think I recall that I have to get to the NCIS Headquarters.

Slowly I try to turn and pull my wrist out of the cuffs. I learnt that in my training. I almost got it. YES. Carefully I glance at my door but it's closed and the Detective probably told them I wanted to sleep so I think they aren't getting inside soon. I close the curtains and change fast of clothes. Unfortunately my shirt is still bloody but it'll have to do. At least it isn't still wet. I put on my shoes and walk quietly to the I see no-one I open the door slowly and sneak out. I walk as fast as I can out of the hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for the reviews. This is my first fanfic. I update when I can 'cause I'm very busy with exams and other stuff. I also hope I can get the characters right cause in my head it mostly sounds better and I know it better then when I write it down. Comments are most welcome. I want to become better and better and suggestions are also very welcome.

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When I'm outside I see it's already dark. I look at my watch which is always in my pocket and see it's already 9 pm. Looking around for a sign which says where I am, I find one but I'm not really pleased. I'm almost on the other side of Los Angeles. It's going to be a long night.

I look in my pockets and fins some cash and my favorite rubber band and put my hair in a bun. I count my money and see that if I'm careful with what I buy I have enough for a week. I find a ally where I probably can sleep for tonight without getting noticed. I decide that I really have to sleep so that I can begin my journey tomorrow morning. 'Let's hope that I am right and that this isn't an ally what is checked every night.' With that I fall asleep.

I wake up because of shouting. It's dark so I'm guessing it's around midnight or something.

"LAPD Who's there?"

Crap. Apparently I was wrong. But it also seems he can't see me very good 'cause by the looks of it he doesn't recognize me. Although I don't recognize him either so that should be a good thing. Slowly I get up. Weighing my options I wait until he close enough before I run. I look around and see a police car.. and the Detective.

"You've got to be kidding me."

I mutter under my breath. I have to go the way the Detective is so I hope I can get past him without being noticed, but unfortunately luck isn't on my side this night.

"Stop! You're under arrest!"

Great he shouts at me right when I run past the Detective who looks up and recognizes me directly. He begins to run after me too. But he's a lot faster than the other one so I maneuver my way. I run all night with some short stops in places where I know he will walk past and then start running again. When I see it getting light I look at my watch. 7:30 am. So I ran all night. I look at the sign. And maybe I have my luck on my side now. I apparently run through Los Angeles cause I'm on the other side of the city. Apparently the Detective has giving up cause I don't see him and I don't hear any rushed footsteps. Slowly I walk to the right street with pain in my back and completely tired. I look for an ally with containers and walk to it. I decide to get some sleep for a few hours before I reveal myself and my story. Slowly my eyes are closing and I slip into darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys. I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting. I am really busy with studying for my exams I have in about 3 weeks or something. And I'm not really doing a good job at Math or Economy so yeah. Anyway I have after this one, one ready and then I have to go on and make new chapters so it will take a little longer then but I promise when I can finish a chapter and I have I'll put it online. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

A little while later I wake up rub my eyes and look at my watch. 9:30 am. Two hours. It's not much but it's something and I feel a bit fitter than before. Accept for my back of course. Calmly I begin to presume my way to the Headquarters. I'm about to cross the street when I see a car pulling up. Quickly I hide behind a car and look who is getting out. "Of course my luck is always limited." I mutter silently. When he is inside I weigh my chances to get in there before he sees me and pulls me away to their boat shed. That is where they interrogate. Just a fact I happen to know.

"Alright D you have to do this. There is no other option."

With new bravery I get up and cross the street and even before I know it I already knocked. Please don't let it be him who opens the door. Bad luck.

"Oh, so now you're coming here after a nights run. Not your best option. You know that you don't get out of here, right."

It's not really a question when he says that. When his focus is slightly of me I slip pass him and run into the building. It not hard to find the main place since there is only one way and soon I'm in the center. The detective who ran after me bumps hard in my back and I fall on the ground and cry softly out of pain. When I get up he cuffs my hands behind my back with a little more force then he should do. It hurts like hell because of my back, but I mange to hide my tears.

"Mister Deeks. What is this? And what is happening here? I thought I was clear? No running and certainly no suspects in this building."

I know that voice. I would recognize it miles away. Miss Hetty Lange. Keeping my head down I am thanking God that I have long hair.

"Am I going to get an answer Mister Deeks?"

The Detective pulls me straight up a bit roughly. He's probably a bit mad at me. And I don't blame him, but I can't let him get the blame for something he didn't do.

"It's not his fault Miss."

I say and shake my hair out of my face.

"I knocked he opened and I slipt pass him when his attention was slightly off."

Hetty seems a bit shocked although it's not that she recognizes me or something but more that I dare to speak. I know her. And I know that it isn't very usual to do this. But then I am not really a usual person. She seems to get back her voice as she is going to speak.

"Okay. So the obvious question is: How do you know about this building? No-one knows we're here."

A bit troubled I look at her. Partly because of the pain and partly because I'm getting a bit afraid to talk. Now that I am finally here all my bravery is gone. I take a deep breath.

"Last year I followed you. It was more so that I knew where you were so that i could contact you if needed. But things didn't really turned out as they should have."

With no idea where I found the strength to say it. I am surprised.

"I assume you've heard about the The Black Eagels? They kidnapped one of your agents a couple of weeks ago?"

That seemed to get her full attention.

"Alright. Mister Deeks bring her to my office. We shall talk further in there."

With that she turns around and walks away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys. So It's been a while again hasn't it. A week I think. Anyway this is the last chapter I have in stock so I'll have to make new ones. That means it's going to be a little longer before chapter 5 will be put on line but I hope it won't take to long. Next week is my last week at school to learn the last things and then I have 2 weeks of exams and a prom. So it'll be tricky to get some things on line but I will do my very best.**

**I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter. I don't really like it but it's the way it came out and I can't really change things.  
**

**As you may already have (or not) have noticed I'm not really one who goes with the episodes. I like to make my own. I can tell you it's set somewhere in season 3 but you won't recognize anything. (I think.) **

**Yes yes. I'll stop talking.  
**

**Go ahead and read.**

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With a push he attempts to put me in motion, but because I wasn't expecting it I fell again on the ground. Only this time I can get up because of the pain and I can't hold back my tears. I try to brush them away but with my hands cuffed it's of no use. A big muscled man has seen them and is walking up to us and helps me get up.

"Deeks, relax man. She may have pissed you off but there is no need in making her cry."

He looks angry at the Detective.

"Sorry dude. I didn't know she was crying."

He looks at me with guilt written on his face. Then he seems to remember my back covered with bandages and shot wounds and he looks even more guilty. The big man turns his attention to me.

"Are you OK? It were two nasty falls."

"I'm fine. Thank you."

With that I try to walk to Hetty's office. But she has already walked back to where we still stand.

"Is everything alright here?"

"Everything is fine, Hetty. I just helped her getting up."

He hit me a couple of times on my back which I usually can handle but not know. With a moan of pain I fall on the ground and my tears are running silently over my cheeks.

"Oh, right I forgot about that. She has multiple shot wounds in her back. She was actually in the hospital and was under arrest. But I forgot about it when she run almost the whole night through Los Angeles."

He's saying it with a lot of guilt in his voice.

"I—I—it doesn't mat-t-t-ter. I wa-a-a-s the o-on-n-e who was ignoring i-i-i-it."

I says it with a lot of stutter but slowly I am calming down. With all my power I try to get up. It hurts like hell but I manage. Slowly I walk to Hetty's office and everyone follows me. It hurts and it tires me. Slowly I sit in the chair.

"Mister Deeks I think you can put her hands in front of her. I think she has enough punishment."

He did what was said to him and truth be told it was a lot more comfortable.

"And now I would like to know your name."

"I hoped you would recognize me. It would have made it easier. Or not."

She looks at me with some confusion.

"I know I don't have blond hair at the moment I know it's black and I am a bit older but…"

"Oh, god. Is it really you?"

I nod lightly.

"Where were you all these years. Why haven't you contacted me?"

"I..uh.. well that's why I'm here. I couldn't live on my own as I first thought I could."

Guilty that's how I feel. Very guilty. She helped me so much and this is my thanks to her. In cuffs in front of her in her office. She looks worried although I doubt it's because I'm in cuffs.

"I did something stupid and I know that and I am terribly sorry. I thought I could manage on my own. But I was wrong. I was so sure I would find a job and a little house in the woods, but after more time went by and I still hadn't found anything I lost more and more hope a getting a job and a place to stay."

For a moment I stopped and swallow deep and hard. This was harder than I thought at first. Just because I'm so deeply ashamed of myself.

"Two guys and a girl came to me." I slowly go on with my story.

"They asked me my name and then if I was interested in joining their group. They told me they helped the police. Catching bad guys and stuff. I was naïve and wanted to believe them so badly that I convinced myself that they indeed helped the police. I was still pretty young so yeah. I decided to go with them."

I paused for a moment before going back to my story.

"My biggest mistake. They trained me. It was the kind of training you would expect at a marine base. While I was busy with training they let me believe they did the right thing. After months of training I was done. That was when they showed me what they were really doing. From that moment on there was no way back. It was joining or being shot. And I didn't want to die so I joined."

"They only showed me they tortured them. For a long time they let me believe they only tortured them and then let them go. Stupid if you think about it but again I was young and naïve. After a couple of years went by one day came and they told me to finish it. I didn't understand so he showed me. Showed quickly how the gun worked and made me do a test fire. I was shaking. The tortured guy.. he.. he begged me to finish it quickly. He wasn't begging for his life anymore. He had given that up a couple of days before that day. I nodded slowly and aimed. I took deep breaths and steadied my hand. And I…I.."

I swallow not being able to finish my sentence Hetty does it for me.

"You shot him right in the head. Didn't you?"

"Yeah."

I manage to say.

"But why didn't you come back to me when you realized you couldn't make it on your own yet. It's that what I don't understand."

I finally dare to look in her eyes. Expecting to see anger only to find the complete opposite. Concern. My face was probably horrible but I could care less at this point.

"I was scared. I walked away because I wanted to show you I could take care of myself. I..I.."

"You?"

She asks me. Anger follows and having no idea where it comes from but I burst.

"I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ME AND HAVE YOU THINKING I WAS WEAK! THAT IS WAS A FAILURE! I WANTED YOU TO BE PROUD OF ME! I WANTED TO PROOF MYSELF TO YOU!"


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm sorry it took me a while. But as I explained in the last chapter I have my exams this week and next week and I have to write new chapters. I'm already busy with chapter 6 but my exams are a little more important right now. I really hope you all understand. **

**Enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think.**

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Shocked of myself I become aware of my surroundings again. Apparently I had stand up and kicked at the same time my chair away since it was lying on the ground. Everyone was quiet and I felt everyone looking at me. Feeling like crap I break down and fall on my knees. Tears are streaming now down on my face. All of this because I see Hetty as my mum and wanted to make her proud. But instead I did the opposite.

"I just wanted to make you proud and I just wanted to proof myself."

I say it just barely above a whisper.

I just know that she is surprised and hurt. I don't have to see her face for that. The big man helps me get up while the Detective sets the chair up so I can sit on it. The big man puts me on the chair and gives me a sympathetic look before he leaves again. If anything I felt ashamed earlier, this feeling of shame is ten times worse. Fortunately everyone is back to their work and they don't pay attention to me anymore.

Slowly I'm calming down.

"Can you continue with your story?" She asks carefully. Afraid I'm going to break down again probably.

I nod.

"I was full of hope that I wouldn't have to do it again. It was horrible. But I was wrong. 'Cause of the fact that I had so much trouble with it I had to do it more often. It was training they said. In my whole life I hadn't felt as terrible as back then. The first time I killed someone and it had to be an honorable man."

"They told me to shut out my feelings. I tried and tried and tried but I just couldn't. Unfortunately they wanted to see progress. I began to hear voices . One said it was wrong what I did and I had to find a way to escape. While the other voice told me to gain some fun in it like the others. I got confused. Which one should I trust and believe. I didn't know it anymore."

"For some reason I began to listen to the voice who said I should gain some fun out of it. Some pleasure. They would control me once a month and slowly I got better in shutting down my feelings and got new ones for it in place. They would ask me those days if I got enough information. If I had then I had to kill the person. If not I had two more days. Most of the time I killed them without delay."

I guess that there was still a part of me who wanted to get it over with. I would watch coldly to the body and then turn away."

"A couple of years later they were talking about me to the prisoner."

"I was called in earlier than usual. I went to my place and watch him without any emotion accept a cruel smile. I got an answer at a question I was asking myself for years at that time."

"They told him that what I did was way worse than they were doing. I was shocked but didn't show it. I thought to myself if I really was that bad."

I swallowed I was getting to the worst part of my story.

"They always said the some line like it was practiced: 'I'll never believe you're as bad as they say you are.' So they always chose me. It was me or two guys who looked way rougher than me."

"But even though this prisoner said the same thing as the others and he was pretty beaten up he looked like he didn't care. Like he had nothing to lose. But there was also something familiar about him. I just couldn't place my finger on it. He chose me. So I took him to my.. eh.. my torture chamber. I asked him his name. I..I.."

I swallow.

"I was shocked to say the least. Really shocked. I immediately knew why he was so familiar to me."

"I think he saw my shocked face that split second before my sadistic smile came back."

I sigh. "But with the heavy shock the voice in my head who told me what I did was wrong came back too."

"Slowly but surely it became harder and harder to ignore the voice in my head as I was torturing him. But I managed to keep it out of sight and put it off, of what I was supposed to do."

"But I helped him escape. I believe he works here. That's what he told me at least."

Surely he would recognize me. Maybe only the name works too. He probably mentioned me in the briefing he gave you."

Shock was written all over her face. I bowed my head. It came out so easily and now I feel the shame again.

"It was you? You did that to him? He looked horrific."

"I know and I'm not proud of it if that's what you think."

"Say the name Hetty. Say it. I can't but you can."

A death glare is what I get in return but she does as she's told.

"Angel." She breaths it out. And at the same time looks over my shoulder.

"What about here, Hetty?"

I stiffened by the sound of his voice.


	6. Chapter 6 Note

**Hi Guys!**

**I'm sorry that you thought this would be a chapter and I'm so sorry that you all had to wait. I lost all my notes and chapters since I write them down on paper first. ****I promise that as soon as I can I'll post again. ****I found it again but now I read it over I find a lot of flaws. There are some things ****I want to happen differently so that's what I'm going to do first.**

**And I have great news! I AM GRADUATED! I am SO HAPPY! I was really nervous but I got the call last Wednesday.**

**Anyway I hope you'll still want to read the story once I updated again.**

**And again I'm sorry that you expected this to be a chapter **

**Much love MissHSM**


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